It's Just that, IMissYou♥

come back , love♥

i had ENOUGH .

Thursday, August 26, 2010 || 3:05 AM

dont blame me if i'm not there . dont blame me if i dont care .
you chose this way to be it . and let just be it . this is what you want ?
lets make it up your way .
i fucking DONT CARE what will happen next .
because i had enough in the PREVIOUS of my life .
I HAD ENOUGH DAMN FROM YOU .
i dont care what will people say , let them be .
mad huh ?
asking why do i post such things in my blog ?
because of you . i keep crying all day long .
i cant even put my thinking on others and i cant even get to laugh .
i fake a smile to everyone surround me .
the feeling of sadness keep haunting me .
for a WEEK , i've cried .
i wished not to , but it just flow .
and you know what ?
everyone says i'm STUPID .
i realise i am , FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME , I AM .
everyone keep asking me TO LET GO .
but do i ?
i cant even imagine how my life are without you ?
I've been with you for months .
and i wished that i could be with you when the clock strike 12 .(31.12.10)
god didn't answer me .
but god shows me what you are upto next .
i realise i am STUPID .
you did changed , you did hear every of my words .
but do you care ?
you did not repeat your mistakes , but you make a NEW mistake .
and you know what ? , I'm TIRED .
people told me " be strong "
i replied "i cant"
and the answer for every questions that people had been asking for is
that ILOVEHIM , easy .
he make me TRUST him .
he make me LOVE him .
he make me MISS him .
he does HURT me .
but yet , ISTILLLOVEHIM .
he don't blame me for my wrongdoings .
and all he can say is that he trust me .
i'm not happy either . not at all .
i cried . although he say he TRUST me .
because he didnt seems like to care what am i doing on my daily days .
he didnt even want to care .
then who am i to you huh ? a doll ?
a BABI doll maybe ? funny huh ?
you weren't like this before . i've been saying this for TONS OF TIMES !
were you tired of hearing and seeing us in this way ?
were you ?
or you did not realise ?
let me tell you one thing .
you have HURT me .
once again .
you have HURT me .
not ONCE , not TWICE , not THRICE .
but TONS .
is my heart a TOY to you ?
a toy for you to play with ?
you know what ?
am i a statue in your eyes ? a statue with NO FEELINGS ?
or a DOLL ?
then who are THEM to you ?
your fairygodwifys' ?
oh god .
you've played a GAME .
and the game its like this .
kite jumpe , kite happy .
kite tak jumpe , i tak happy .
kdg kite jumpe kite gadoh .
kdg kite tk jumpe pon kite gadoh .
kite gadoh , i kesah , you maaf . tpy ade you kesah ?
masalah dah selesai , tpy ade lagy Masalah baru .
and i'm the one who needs to PETPOTPETPOT .
then you ? keep quiet all the time ?
i'm the one who needs to tegur then you realise .
dah realise , ad baru lgy .
not from this maybe .
its from YOUR FCUKING FACEBOOK !
ouh , and thats the reason why you keep telling me fb gerek ?
gerek kn ?
you've broken up a promise .
( i cant tell )
and even you changed since you got your facebook .
oh my .
sket hati tau tk bler i tgok fb you .
i dont want to cry , cause i had enough from yesterday(s) .
but my heart pumping as if i'm racing .
my eyes boiling .
my body is cooling when the situation is hot .
my tears keep flowing and flowing .
oh my , devastated .
but thanks .
you've teached me a lesson.
and , please dont trust me too much , you'll regret .
now , all we had is gone .
and all we had is , asked yourself !
i dont wished to leave but you keep forcing me to .
i still love you , as much as i could .
but do you care ?
i dont want us to get separated by all this .
i believe we are strong , dont we ?
we are strong before .
but now ?
are we still strong as how we are before ?
and you keep telling me not to love you too much .
and when i asked whats the reason are when you told me those hurting words .
you changed your topic .
and again , i'm hurt .
again and again .
until today .
where is my old SPIDERMAN huh ?
do you realise nowadays i didnt label you as my SpiderMan anymore ?
you want to know why ?
because i know my SpiderMan well .
my SpiderMan is not like this before .
my SpiderMan has gone . i'm still searching for my old SpiderMan .
SpiderMan , would you ever come back and tell me that you still love me like how you does before ?
would you turn our time like how we does to spend our time like before ?
would you maked me laugh again ?
would you still label me as you FairyGodWify ?
would you care for me like how you are bfore ?
would you ever stare me into my eyes again ?
would you be there whenever i need you , without excuses ?
would you ever say you miss me sincerely again ?
oh my . I MISS YOU , you know ?
i miss you so much .
not the Saliyhin Sparks* that i've known now .
but the E'inSpark* i've known before .
i MISS my E'inSpark* , so much . but i HATE my Saliyhin Sparks* so much .
you have changed , and even your name has changed .
everything between us have changed .
even the way we interact now has changed .
even your attitude towards me have changed .
and even YOU have changed .
i miss you . would you turn back time ? SpiderMan ?
please dont fade away .
you've changed since you cut your hair .
you've changed when you make your facebook account .
you've changed when you change your name .
everything about you has changed .
and i has to adapt to the new you .
but i cant . too hard for me to face the reality .
you've changed bby .
open your eyes widely and see whats happening between us .
i miss my E'inSpark* .
SpiderMan , where are you ?

Labels: come back to me, will you ?

i'm telling you

Sunday, August 15, 2010 || 2:18 AM

i love you.

i tried to treat you right , everytime.

i tried not to break any of my promises.

i tried not to failed any of my duty.

i tried not to let you fall.

i tried to make you smile, everytime.

i tried to make our love as wonderfull as it can be.

i tried to be the best among your ex-.

i tried not to let you angry.

i tried not to let you cry.

and lastly,

i tried not to make you regret when you're with me.

but did you tried?

i was born to be soft, so soft. and i'm known as the soft-and-shy girl.

everyone i treated soft , especially to a guy.

but you called me "kepale batu"

i know i am when i'm with you.

i've changed. and you dont realise it when.

i changed when everything between us seems to changed.

i changed when i realise that i'm too soft. and everyone says that.

i changed when you are changed too.

you said i becoming worse.

but did you see on yourself? you are bcoming worse too.

i realise i am. infront of you i'm tough.

but behind you i'm soft.

you tkkn pnah perasan. psal you tk pnah tanye. did you?

depan you i garang, i marah2. bebel mcm nenek org.

but behind you, i cried for every little thing i've done today.

i cried for what i saw you.

and thats when i saw you , you are hurting. for almost everyday.

i yell to you like hell. repeat all those miseries.

but did you ever asked why i'm turning from bad to worse?

all you asked is whats the reason is i am yelling at you?

but did you ever asked my feelings?

did you ever notice i'm crying when i'm yelling?

time flies so fast , and even you and i have changed.

everything seems to fade.

and all those laughter, has gone.

all we had now is you hearing me yell . sick of it?

then did you ever asked , am i not tired for yelling at you all day(s) long ?

i'm tired too bby. indeed, i'm too tired.

mmg i ader kelemahan. and love is.

cinte lah kelemahan i. and i paling lemah dlam cinte.

i'm the girl who used to give up on love easily.

but on you. i had nver think of giving up. i had nver think of separating.

but it all comes on my dreams. and what people says.

and thats when i think i need to be tougher.

b , did you realise everything is flying away?

do we had our laugh this day? am we as sweet as we are bfore?

ask yourself , and see whats happening between us.

remember all those times? ingat?

bler i tido sbelah you, you sapu rambut i sampai i tidur lelap baru you tido.

you always shows and proof what you are up to.

you always give all your time on me.

dulu kite suke comment2 org. ketawe pt org.

dulu you selalu amek kesah psal i , without failing.

and you tk pnah jerit pat i.

now sehelai rambut i pon tkde you sentuh.

dulu you put me first before you and before everyone else.

you always bring me to some place.

you hug me bfore i do.

you kiss me all around.

and you say all the sweet stuff.

you were so sweet before.

i miss you, the old us.

dulu i tk pnah se berani gni.

i tk pnah jerit pat you. i tkde penah nk ckap yg i nk bunoh you.

if i would , skrg jgak i bunuh you.

i tkde pnah pukul2 you.

skrg ? i kejam kn ?

saket kn ?
and thats the pain i am inside for months.

uncounted tears for days or even weeks .

did you ever asked why my eyes blast like mate goldfish?

did you ever asked why i put so many foundation on my eyes ?

why dont you? but why others can ?

bby , i maaf klau selame nie i garang mcm *#@% !

i tau you sket hati dgan perangai i yg mcm %#@ !

i harap you fham.

i buat gni psal i nk you rase ape i rase.

i sayang you . banyak banyak.

more than you.

i tried to change , and i hope you too .

every night , i pray the best for us . i hope we could have an everlasting love.

and every night i cried , hoping i cant sense everything surround me .

so that things will not get me hurt easily.

psal i cant take it more than this .

maybe this burden that i'm taking is more than enough.

i dont need anymore tears.

once or twice or even thrice is enough.

i don want to get hurt anymore.

and i dont wished you to get hurt from me too.

i maaf sayang.

i buat gni so that we can move on smoothly tanpe rase benci pt each other.

please show me that you truely love and care for me?

i cant wait for that.

bcause for longed i've been waiting .

"dear god , guide our love to the right path and push all those obsticles.

shine your light and bless our love.

'mudahkanlah jalan kita dan perpanjanglah cinta kita'"

Amin.

bby trust me , we are strong enough to face this together.

i put my faith on our love. we can . dont we?

lets solve things out together.

iloveyou.

and people, wish us all the best.

thnk you.

lots of love, SashaSwifts.

~i tau i kejam tpy itu tk bermakne i tk sayang.

i nak you sedar.

Labels: bby, i maaf .

love

Wednesday, August 11, 2010 || 11:22 PM

happy 8 monthsary bby. b , do you know how happy am i seeing us reaching this far ?

where once i said , "b , i tk confidence dgan 8 months nie." you know why i said that ?

bcause for days i've been crying and crying . and thnks to yaya , she's thre . without her . OMG . i tktau nk buat aper .

things had been so complicated now and there . everything seems to messed up in my mind . deciding in a situation which does not fits my mood . i've been pissing off now and then . no smile . i've tried but that was infront of my family , friends and atlast him!

you guys know whats the meaning of saket hati ? oh my . bad dream .

bby , i've been writting stories here . and blog is the only way i can express all . i cnt express to you . cause i'll cry .

i've had enough , please dont . i dont need anymore . you know how it feels ? it feels so cold when the condition is hot .

where tears keep flowing and i tried forcing my smile infront of a mirror .

and my heart cnt get that PEACE ?!

and when i tried to make things better , i called you . on the phone.

and there oh my , my heart feels so pressed .pressed sgat . when i hear your voice .

all i think is about how are we gonna move on ? things had been blocking our way .

and friends keep telling me to leave you . but i cnt ! i know i cnt live without you .

its like , WASTED ! you know ? i've given and sacrifice everything . so do you .

bby , i know you're hurting . too . so do i .

but please dont pretend as if everything is fine . dont .

i'm sorry for eveything i've done . i'm sorry , bby . b , i want you to be the BEFORE you .

the YOU i've known . the one who's more caring , patience , and loving .

if you really reflect , you'll see how much you've changed bby .

and now i've not been going to school . from last tuesday till today . i just cnt get my mind PEACE .

b , lets changed eveything like the way how we are bfore .

~ cause i need you to be the you bfore .

~ and guys , i'm inactive . mayb i'll update once a week ? sorry .

and to people sape sroh link , i'll link next time okay ?

muahmuah *blowkisses* ly.

Labels: 9 months ? will we ?